Kathy's Choice Awards - 2006 (Part 1)

I have never understood who appointed the Oscar committee or how they choose what movies are the "best" each year. Many, many of their choices make no sense. "The English Patient" was the best picture of the year? Give me a break.

Several years ago, "they" came up with the People's Choice Awards. But they never asked me what I thought. So here is the first installment of the inaugural Kathy's Choice Awards.

Today's awards are for the best overall movies. Granted, 2006 was not a great year for movies, but a few were really good. Taking a page from the Golden Globes, we will have a winner for drama and another for musical comedy.

The drama winner is "The Departed." (See http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0407887/)
This violent story of corrupt cops, mobsters, and honest cops is one of the best movies in years. I love Martin Scorsese movies, and this is one of the best. Matt Damon, Mark Wahlberg, Martin Sheen, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jack Nicholson, and the omnipresent Alec Baldwin give great performances. I did not want this movie to end. It was that good. It should get a boatload of awards.

The musical/comedy winner is "Little Miss Sunshine." ( See http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0449059/)
Everybody loves a story about dysfunctional families, and this is the story of one very dysfunctional family on a road trip. The movie has a lot of famous actors, but the real star is Little Miss Sunshine herself, Abigal Breslin as Olive. She is a bright, honest girl caught in a crazy family and a bizarre beauty pageant. When I saw this at the theater, I hurt myself laughing. The Volkswagen bus reminded me of the many crap cars we had when I was growing up (including a Volkswagen bus). Do yourself a favor and rent this movie if you haven't seen it yet. It probably won't win too many awards because it is offbeat and independent, but Olive deserves a Best Supporting Actress statue.

Next up - the worst movies of 2006.

Ode to Dark Chocolate Cellas

Your sweet, sweet goodness come but once a year.
For ten months, I dream of the dark chocolate case,
Clear liquid filling,
And perfect cherry center.
No messy white stuff here.

November heralds your arrival.
It is my favorite time of year.

Why? Oh why?
Why is Target not carrying you this year?
I have checked two stores, with no luck.
Thank goodness for CVS
Where the shelves are stocked.
Kroger carries your cousin
Milk chocolate Cellas.

No other candy is as good as you.
I can't eat just one - or two.
It's a good thing that you disappear in January
Or I would weigh 350.

Movie Review - Fast Food Nation

I feel compelled to tell everyone - do not see this movie! It is terrible.

I read the book, which was quite good. It exposed the nasty side of American fast food - literally the shit in the meat. It also showed how big corporations exploit the workers, particularly the vulnerable ones - illegal immigrants and teenagers. The book was lucid, coherent, and compelling.

The movie was a mish-mash of stories that were supposed to intersect but did not. It tried to put faces to the evil meat packers, the illegal immigrants, the corporate shills, and the exploited teens. But it was so disjointed, slow, and boring that it just didn't make sense.

Do yourself a favor - read the book and skip the movie.

I think this is what they call a MeMe

Because it's all about ME!

• What is your occupation? Marketing diva
• What color are your panties right now? White
• What are you listening to right now? A basketball game
• What was the last thing that you ate? A delicious dinner at Chuy’s
• Can you drive a stick shift? Nothing but – my 350Z convertible wouldn’t be the same with an automatic transmission
• If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Red
• Last person you spoke to on the phone? My sister Faith
• Do you like the person who sent this to you? Of course! My sister-in-law Brenda
• How old are you today? 46
• Favorite drink? Alcoholic, beer. Non-alcoholic, Caffeine Free Diet Coke
• What is your favorite sport to watch? NBA basketball
• Have you ever dyed your hair? Are you joking? Have I ever NOT dyed my hair?
• Pets? No
• What was the last movie you watched? “Man of the Year” with Robin Williams
• Favorite day of the week? Saturday and Sunday
• What do you do to vent anger? Drink beer or eat something (too much)
• What was your favorite toy as a child? Books. Once a nerd, always a nerd.
• What is your favorite fall or spring? Fall. My birthday, the State Fair, the start of cooler weather, and the start of basketball season
• Hugs or kisses? Hugs
• Cherries or Blueberries? Both!
• Living arrangements? He Who Shall Not Be Named
• When was the last time you cried? Don’t remember – it was a long time ago
• What is on the floor of your closet? Shoes and filing
• What did you do last night? Watched DVDs of “Lost” Season 1 with HWSNBN
• Favorite smells? Cilantro
• What inspires you? My family – siblings and nephews (and now a niece)
• What are you afraid of? Losing my job and having to move in with a parent
• Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Veggie burger with cheese and extra pickles
• Favorite dog breed? Corndogs at the State Fair
• How many years at your current job?
• How many states have you lived in? 1--Just Texas
• Favorite holidays? Any of them that include food and candy (Halloween, Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentine’s Day)
• Ever driven motorcycle or heavy machinery? No. I nearly killed myself on a bicycle, so I don’t need to tempt fate.

(courtesy of my sister-in-law, Brenda)

Things that bother me

I am the first to admit that I am old school. But some things were just fine the way they were and don't need to change. Take alphabetization. When I was in school, we were taught to alphabetize by last name.

Jones, Tom

But now many applications alphabetize by first name:

Tom Jones

I will never get used to this. And why did it change anyway?

My biggest pet peeve is when "The" is considered in the alphabetization. Like a list of movies that reads:

Kazaam
The Godfather
Under the Rainbox

AARRGGHH!

What if?

What if our purpose in life was a single, seemingly meaningless, encounter?

About 10 years ago, I was standing in a long line to get Hakeem Olajuwon (basketball star) to sign a copy of his biography. A woman and child approached me and asked for directions on how to get somewhere. I told them, and they thanked me and left.

But it made me wonder - what if my only purpose in life was to be in that exact spot, at that exact time, to help that exact person?

Think about it. If this is the way it works, the last 10 years have been icing on the cake for me.

Pain

Hernia surgery hurts. Don't be fooled by "laparascopic patients can return to work in a few days." Yeah, maybe if you can work while stoned out of your brain on painkillers. OK - maybe answering the phone at the cable company or working at the local pharmacy would allow you to be that stoned. Like my pharmacy, where I called three times asking if my prescription was ready and being told each time that it was not. Then my friend drove over there and it had been sitting in the bin for over 24 hours!

Yeah, those people are stoned, and probably not on the legal stuff.

I don't know what it would feel like to be hit across the abdomen with a baseball bat, but that's how I think I feel now.

My goal is to NOT HAVE SURGERY ever again. Or at least in this decade. Or at least not again this year.

What if?

What if our purpose in life was a single, seemingly meaningless, encounter?

About 10 years ago, I was standing in a long line to get Hakeem Olajuwon (basketball star) to sign a copy of his biography. A woman and child approached me and asked for directions on how to get somewhere. I told them, and they thanked me and left.

But it made me wonder - what if my only purpose in life was to be in that exact spot, at that exact time, to help that exact person?

Think about it. If this is the way it works, the last 10 years have been icing on the cake for me.

De-Livered
I quit blogging in April for a good reason. In April, I was undergoing tests to determine what was causing pain in my lower left abdomen. I learned that I have diverticulosis, a common problem among over-60 year old Westerners. It's because we don't get enough fiber, or so they say.

I also learned that I have an ovarian cyst and "lesions" on my liver. My OB-GYN said that ovarian cysts are common and not to worry. So I did not worry about that. But lesions on the liver are worrisome.

After a CT scan and MRI, I learned that I had a simple cyst and a biliary cystadenoma in my liver. Not good news - I love my liver! Neither of these were caused by drinking. The biliary cystadeoma is a rare, congenital thing that occurs in women over 40. The only treatment is excision, and if you leave it alone, it will most likely become malignant. So I took the only rational option. I had a third of my liver removed.

I learned a lot about livers. The liver is the second larget organ in the body (skin is the largest). The liver and the skin are the only organs that regenerate. They can take up to 75% of your liver, and it will grow back in 6-8 weeks. Amazing!

The surgery was performed on May 10, during the NBA playoffs. I called the hospital in advance to be sure that they had the cable channels I needed to see Dallas play San Antonio. As I was in the hospital for five nights, this was critical. I could not miss those games. Dallas won that series, and the next, and went to the Finals before they were defeated - but I digress.

My five nights in the hospital were not the most pleasant nights I have had. In fact, I was pretty miserable. I swore that I would never have surgery again unless it was a matter of life and death. I had never spent the night in a hospital before, so I had to idea of what to expect. What I learned is that you get no rest because someone is checking on something every few hours. And all of them are concerned with bowel movements. I have never had so many people interested in my poop!

A big accomplishment in the hospital is being able to walk the halls. Exciting, huh? It's a challenge to manuever the poles with IV bags and wires - and keep your balance - and not run into the other patients. I hope I never have to go through that again.

My family and friends were great. I had lots of visits, calls, flowers, and cards - so I did learn that a lot of people care about me. That's what got me through it all.

I came on day 6 and slept for several days. That's exactly what happened - I slept all day and then couldn't sleep at night. But at least I was at home and could watch my Mavs on HDTV. And I had visitors and more reassuring calls. I will always be grateful to everyone who helped.

I was off work for seven weeks. I lost ten pounds. I was totally relaxed. Then I walked back into the office and was famished. I found the ten pounds almost immediately.

During my recovery period, I got better each day, albeit slowly. But one part of my 9" scar would not close. I had oozing, and I went to the doctor every week to see what was causing it. After I had been at work for a week, I returned to the doctor and demanded that we see what was happening. They shot my stomach up with novocain and dug and dug but could not fix it. They thought it was a suture absess. The only option - go back to the OR and open me up again.

So much for no more surgery.

It turns out that they had left a 12 cm (4-5") piece of a pain pump in me. When I got to my hospital room, I swear that the Discovery Channel was showing a program on "surgical instruments left behind." This was mid-July.

I spent one night in the hospital, then came home with a huge open wound - just like Tony Soprano after Uncle Junior shot him. The thing was GROSS. I could have fit a Mounds and a half in it. I had to pack it with gauze soaked in saline twice a day.

Needless to say, I didn't go to the office - or much of anywhere for a while. It was Labor Day before the thing completely closed.

Now I have a scar that looks like Our Lady of Guadalupe (with a 6" tail).

Now it's November, and I have had ANOTHER surgery. This was to repair an incisional hernia. Incisional hernias are not uncommon after abdominal surgery. The incision from one or both earlier surgeries weakened my abdominal wall and some organ started poking through.

Our Lady of Guadalupe morphed into the creature from "Aliens."

The third - and hopefully last - surgery was yesterday. They were able to do it laparascopically, so I was able to come home the same day. I'm whacked out of my brain on painkillers, but at least I am in my own bed with no nurses waking me every other hour.

Our Lady of Guadalupe/Alien now has some new holes around her/it.

My dreams of being a pole dancer are over.

Back. Temporarily

The past 6 weeks have include 4 airplane trips and one car trip to Dallas. I'm leaving again for more travel - for work, of course. While I enjoy traveling - when it is reasonable - this is becoming ridiculous.

The advantage? I earn frequent flyer miles - so that I can travel some more!

The disadvantages? Many, but mainly that I get behind in everything. I try to stay on top of the mail and newspapers and magazines that seem to multiply, but that's difficult, if not impossible, when I travel. When I return from a trip, I get to spend quality time with laundry, ironing, grocery shopping, etc. Not to mention that I need to catch up with the people I care about.

I always wanted a job where I traveled. Now I have one.

I do try to take advantage of the trips and see places I wouldn't see otherwise. Work travels have enabled me to see basketball and baseball games in far-flung cities, as well as malls across the country. I do get to pick up cosmetic "gifts with purchase" whenever I travel. So it's not all bad. It's just tiring when it comes so often.

All Star Weekend

OK, OK, All Star Weekend has come and gone. Like two weeks ago. But being caught up in basketball fever got me out of my normal habits, and I have neglected the blog.

All Star Weekend was everything I hoped it would be. Lots of basketball players! I went to the NBA Jam Session, the Rookie - Sophomore game, the practice for both the East and West teams, and All Star Saturday Night. It was all good except for the Rookie - Sophomore game. I was sitting beyond the ozone layer, the beer prices were jacked up even higher than normal, and I barely knew any of the players.

All Star Saturday night was the highlight of the weekend. I debated on selling my ticket at the last minute because I was in a mood, but I knew that I would regret it if I did. I sat closer to my normal seat, and I loved every minute of it. My boy Dirk won the three-point shootout, and the dunk contest went to the first dunk-off ever. It was outstanding.

Now it's back to the SOS. But I can say that I have seen the All Stars.

Chicken pox or VP shooting?

US Vice-President Dick Cheney has accidentally shot and injured a man during a quail hunting trip.

The victim, named as Harry Whittington, was on the trip with Mr Cheney at a ranch in Texas when the incident took place on Saturday.

Mr Whittington, 78, was taken to hospital in the town of Corpus Christi, where an official said he was "very stable" and had rested well overnight.

This is something that happens from time to time - you know, I've been peppered pretty well myself Ranch owner Katharine Armstrong

The men were part of a quail hunting expedition at the Armstrong Ranch in south Texas.

Ranch owner Katharine Armstrong said Mr Cheney had turned round to shoot at a bird, unaware that Mr Whittington was behind him. He sprayed Mr Whittington with shotgun pellets.

"The covey flushed and the vice-president picked out a bird and was following it and shot. And by God, Harry was in the line of fire and got peppered pretty good," she said.

'Good spirits'

Mr Whittington was hit in the cheek, neck and chest, but was said to be "alert and doing fine" in hospital.

Giving an update on Mr Whittington's condition on Monday, hospital administrator Peter Banko said: "It's not critical. It's not serious. It's just stable at this time."

Mr Whittington's daughter, Sally, told the Dallas Morning News her father was being observed in hospital because of some swelling from the welts in his neck.

"It looks like chicken pox, kind of," she said. "He was very, very lucky that nothing seriously was injured."

Why "Pho Snow"?

He Who Shall Not be Named (aka Bigfoot) has always called me Snow. As in my skin is as white as snow.

Now, after 8 years, he has given me a new name. I told him the meaning of "faux" - fake. A few days later, he said that my new name was "faux" because I have lots of faux items, most noticably a gorgeous faux cheetah coat. When I asked him how to spell it, he said "P-H-O."

I pointed out that "pho" was Vietnamese soup. But the name stuck.

So now I'm Pho Snow. A fake white person. Which is appropriate because he says that I'm more black than he is anyway.

Some days, I feel like Spongebob

I don't live in a pineapple under the sea. My best friend is not a starfish. But I do retain water like sponge. I'm always swollen. Pink Floyd sang about "those swollen hand blues" over 20 years ago. I felt them then, and I feel them now.

Other days, I feel like Patrick. Big and pink and slow.

My coworkers probably say I'm most like Squidward - cynical and totally over it.

But I'm probably most like Mr. Krabs. I want me money!

Skittles

What are Skittles anyway? They are delicious, but what are they made of? Other than sugar and artificial flavor, or course.

Have you ever tried to describe a Skittle to someone who has never had one? I asked a few people to do so, and I got a variety of answers.

I would describe a Skittle (original flavor only - the variations are abominations) as a small, chewy, slightly tart, fruit-flavored candy. They are about the size of plain M&Ms. The inside is chewy, and they have a more solid outer coating. They come in yellow (lemon), orange (duh), green (lime), purple (grape?), and red (who knows?). Red can be cherry, strawberry, raspberry, tropical punch, or any number of other flavors. I think that red Skittles are just generic red flavored.

Others described Skittles as being like jelly beans. Huh? Jelly beans are nasty. And their innards are much softer than Skittles centers.

As I have always been on a diet, I try to avoid candy of any kind. If I do indulge, I want dark chocolate. But a few years ago I heard Homer Simpson drool over Skittlebrau. "Uuuummmhhh, Skittles and beer. Skittlebrau." It is a nice combination because the beer cuts the sweetness of the Skittles. This is a typical basketball game snack for me.

The Rockets cannot win a game. I paid my season ticket money last summer, so I have to go to the games. The highlight of each game is getting out my bag of Skittles. I pour some into my hand and eat them two at a time in this order (least to most favorite): orange, yellow, green, purple, red. The bags that I have bought lately seem to be low on red. That's the story of my life.

Observations on Weight

I believe that there is a finite amount of weight in the universe. When one person loses weight, another person gains same said weight.

I have been walking on this stupid treadmill for seven months now, and I have lost about 8 pounds. This is just not right! I walk for 40 minutes a day, 4-5 days a week, at about 3.2 miles per hour. I sweat like a pig. I breathe hard. My heart rate is WAY up. So what is the problem?

I'll keep trying, but I need to take a few days off. I have a new pair of Adidas, and I have blisters on the backs of both ankles. I'll enjoy my rest.

The Beatles and East Texas

Today I made progress on a project that I started last month - listening to all of the Beatles albums in the order in which they were recorded. I'm a nerd like that.

I started my most recent edition of this project on the drive to Dallas for Christmas. Today I drove to East Texas to meet my sister and nephew for some shopping and Mexican food. Only in Texas would I drive 200 miles in a day for shopping and Mexican food. But I digress.

The Beatles recorded only about 10 hours of music. I have listened to all of the proper albums (British versions), and I'm now working on the "Past Masters," which were songs that were never included on the British albums. And by listening to them in recording order, rather than release order, I listened to "Let it Be" before "Abbey Road."

By listening to the albums in order, it is easy to hear the phases of the Beatles' musical development. For example, in what I call the "middle period" ("Rubber Soul" and "Revolver"), virtually every song has a tambourine. And they all have one of those shaker things that sounds like an empty can with a few dried beans. It's not a maraca, but it's the thing that you would hold in an upraised hand in front of you and genty shake back and forth. You know what I mean.

I need to remember that listening to the Beatles and singing along in my car can drastically improve my mood. If anyone else were in the car, their mood would not improve and would probably darken because if I'm singing no one else needs to hear it. I have been down all week because I spend most of my daytime hours around soul-sucking individuals. Most times, I can shake it when I get home, but this week I could not. But today's combination of retail therapy, Mexican food, and the Beatles has made a dramatic improvement in my outlook.

Tomorrow's goal: get back on track with the diet and treadmill.

TV and Annoying Laugh Tracks

I haven't posted in a while because I have been busy watching "24." What a great show! The first episode was so intense that I couldn't stand it. Now I have something to look forward to each Monday. That may be what gets me through each week.

So much TV is just plain crap. For example, a show called "Crumbs" debuted recently. I read two glowing reviews, so I decided to watch it. It was horrible. Same old sitcom crap. Maybe I'm weird because I don't like what everyone else likes, but I found no humor in the show. This episode even featured two grown brothers, with one holding a stinky show over the other one's nose and mouth. How enlightening! And this show had a laugh track, which drives me up the wall. Are people who watch sitcoms so ignorant that they don't know when to laugh? That's what I think the producers are thinking when they add one.

"My Name is Earl," "The Simpsons," and "The Office" don't have laugh tracks, and they are light years funnier than the mainstream sitcoms.

Went to the Houston Rockets vs. Dallas Mavericks game last night. It was a beautiful thing - if you are a Mavs fan. They killed the Rockets. The people behind us said that they were leaving when the Mavs got a 35 point lead. They left in the third quarter. It is a real challenge to make it to the Rockets games this year, and it's getting worse. Time for a new coach.

Treadmill Woes

Another day, another 45 minutes on the treadmill.

I have been walking on it for 6 months. I have lost only about 8 pounds. This is truly depressing. However, some of my fat seems to be solidifying. I'm adding a short time with dumbbells after each walk. All that has done is make my upper arms sore. My friend the trainer told me that I need to do squats if I want to shape my butt. Yeah, right. But I'm trying (a little).

The only way I can endure exercise is to watch DVDs while I'm walking. I've been through several seasons of "The Simpsons," season 1 of "The Mary Tyler Moore Show," and various movies and concert DVDs.

I'm wrapping up season 5 of "The Sopranos" now. What a great show! I have seen all of the episodes multiple times, but I never get tired of it. The problem with watching "The Sopranos" is that I have a terrible craving for Italian food and the urge to open a bottle of win. Watch the show and pay attention to how often they eat. It's all the time!

No treadmill tomorrow. We have a Rockets game, which we are pretty much guaranteed to lose.

Another rejection to come?

Today I sent my cookbook to yet another publisher. I took a different approach to this one, so we will see. Keep your fingers crossed.

Basketball is in full swing. The Dallas Mavericks are winning. The Houston Rockets are losing. This means that the games I see in person are all losses. At least they still sell beer. I have bought beer at sporting events in New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Dallas, and Houston - and it costs the most in Houston. Go figure.

I'm Baaaaaack!!!

OK - so I missed November and December. What are you gonna do - spank me?

Seriously, I was traveling and getting ready for Christmas - my favorite time of the year. Everything is colorful, it's OK to eat non-stop, and EVERY STORE HAS A SALE.

Now it's January, and what is there to look forward to? Over three months with no days off work.

Normally, the weather in January is dreary and cold, which is OK. That's what it's supposed to be like in January. But this year in Houston, our endless summer continues. It's in the 80s every day. This would be nice, but I feel like I'm being cheated out of the three months of winter we normally have. For the first time ever, I had to run my air conditioner in the house on New Year's Day! The other nice part of a normal winter is that we get a break from the crazy electricity bills. I guess that won't happen this year.

Another depressing thing about January is that almost everyone goes on a diet. How dismal! I have been on a diet, more or less, since I was about 7 years old, so January is no different for me. But if I get a jones for some Mexican food, it's harder to find someone to go with me. They all whine about their holiday weight - as if they will stay on this "diet" past Valentine's Day. And who in their right mind can give up Mexican food anyway?

I am trying to get more serious about getting some weight off. I have been walking on a treadmill for 6 months, but the weight hasn't gone anywhere. My resting heart rate is down significantly, but no one can see my heart! Everyone can see my gut! Wish me luck on sticking with a regimen.