Cutest purse of the decade

And I own it now.

And it's no wonder I love it. Here is an excerpt from Betsey Johnson's bio on her site:

Now firmly part of what was considered the “Youth Quake,” Betsey soon found herself in the unforgettable 1960’s Warhol scene. Edie Sedgwick was her house model.

Broken rib update

My friend was released from the hospital yesterday. He went straight from the ICU to his house. Huh? Wonders never cease.

My job now is to keep feeding him. That is something I can do.

Teaching her right

Two months ago, my sister and I took my niece to a Houston Rockets basketball game. My niece was mildly interested in the game, but she really enjoyed the popcorn and ice cream.

Tonight, I called my sister and asked to speak to my niece. She got on the phone and heard my voice and immediately said, "basketball game." I told her that the season was almost over but that I would take her to a a basketball game for her birthday next year. Her reply: "birthday cake!"

This is a child after my own heart - basketball and cake.

No matter how bad a day I think I have...

at least I'm not in the hospital with every rib on the left side of my body broken.

My friend R was in a terrible car crash last week, and every rib on the left side of his body is broken, some in multiple places. Someone hit his Scion on the freeway and spun the Scion around so that a dualy pickup hit him head on. They needed the jaws of life to get him out of the car. He was wedged in between the steering wheel and the air bags. Amazingly, his tiny dog was not hurt at all. R, on the other hand, is suffering. The doctor explained that each rib is covered in muscle, and the ribs act like an accordion when you breathe. When your ribs are broken, you feel pain with every breath. Ouch!

I'm trying to be a buddy and keep him company in the hospital as much as possible. I know how unpleasant the hospital can be - basic cable TV, crap meals, uncomfortable bed, and constant interruptions. I'm worried about him losing weight, so I take candy bars every time I go.

By the way - no one has ever had to stuff me with candy bars to ensure that I kept weight on. I was in the hospital for six days and did not lose one ounce. And in a subsequent day surgery, I gained 4 pounds in one day when all I ate was one bowl of ice cream.

From now on, I can't say I'm having a bad day - unless I am in ICU for the second time in a week, unable to get in and out of bed on my own.

It puts things in perspective.

Why didn't I think of this?

A cupcake making kit? Seriously?

Call me old-fashioned, but when I make cupcakes I open a cake mix and follow the grueling instructions (adding eggs, oil, and water). Then I pour the batter into cupcake liners that I bought separately. Separately! The horror!

On the grocery aisle, just next the cake mix and cupcake liners, I can buy a can of frosting and various sprinkles and other decorating accents. But buying all these things separately - and then using a smidgen of imagination to combine them to make a cupcake - is just exhausting.

I do have to admit - this is pretty clever marketing. And I love the store that sells it. It just never occurred to me that you needed to put all of this together in one box.

From brakes to a break-in

The week began with me driving crosstown to get new brakes on my car. It ended with someone breaking into my garage.

The garage is detached, and therefore not wired into the security system for the house. When I moved into the house 10 years ago, I needed to replace the side door to the garage. I was pinching pennies, and He Who Cannot Be Named (HWCBN) hung the door. We visited Home Depot and saw the prices of secure doors vs. flimsy doors, and I chose the flimsy door. We installed a simple lock, similar to what would be on a bathroom door. At the time, HWCBN said that the door wasn't secure but that he would do what I asked because it was my house.

For 10 years, the door and lock held just fine.

On Friday, the last day of spring break I might add, someone used a screwdriver to pop the lock. The only things they took were HWCBN's bicycle and an air compressor. (They left my bicycle.)

We called the police, who actually showed up in about 20 minutes. We then spent the rest of Friday night installing a deadbolt lock on the flimsy door.

Now I need to get a stronger door or wire the garage into my security system. Either way, it will cost me.

The fun never stops.

Green beer

What's the appeal of green beer? Isn't regular beer good enough? It is the elixir sent to us from the heavens. It's what Homer Simpson calls "sweet, sweet beer."

In honor of green beer day, here is a great scene from the Simpsons:

Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?

Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.

Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.

For years, I have enjoyed Skittlebrau at basketball games. A few months ago, I was walking through Costco on a Friday night (because I have such an exciting life), and I heard someone say "Skittlebrau." I nearly choked. I stopped the young guy and asked if he had really said "Skittlebrau" as in Homer's favorite drink. The guy and his girlfriend looked at me like I was the crazy old drunk cat lady, but confirmed that he had indeed said "Skittlebrau."

Ah, Skittlebrau. If only I had some Skittles in the house. I'll have to manage with simple brau tonight.

Brakes

I can now stop my car safely - the new brakes are on.

It is safe for you to return to the roads.

Happy Pi Day

I have seen several items saying that math nerds everywhere would celebrate 3.14 as Pi Day.

I celebrated Pie Day with the best pecan pie ever. Yum!

(I didn't eat the whole pie. I bought one slice only.)

Friday the 13th like a mothapucker

I swear: some days it would be best just to not get out of bed.

Backstory (settle in - it's a long one): For the past 5 1/2 years, I have been driving a wonderful Nissan 350Z convertible. Before I bought this car, I considered a Mercedes convertible, but He Who Cannot Be Named (HWCBN) said, "I can't change no oil in a Mercedes. Buy a Nissan - I can change the oil in that." I keep cars for 10 years or more and I get the oil changed religiously, so I figured I could save a lot of money by choosing a car where I had a live-in oil changer. I bought the Nissan.

When the car had 3000 miles on it, HWCBN bought an oil filter and 5 quarts of oil and looked under my car to discover that he could not change the oil because the car has a plate under the engine compartment. To get to the parts, the car needs to be on a lift.

Strike 1: I have to pay to get the oil changed every 3000 miles.

When I was looking for a car, I looked at things like color (red), the ability to remove the roof (convertible), and overall good looks. I view tires as something that enable me to drive and rims as something that hold tires. HWCBN focused on the rims - to the detriment of the overall beauty of a red convertible. He then began to complain that the brakes created too much dust and made the front rims get dirty too quickly. (He could still wash the car - even when he couldn't change the oil.) After 2 years of hearing about how bad the rims looked with the brake dust, I got chrome rims because chrome rims were supposedly easier to clean. I must admit that the chrome rims added a nice touch to the car; I like to call them my bling.

Fast forward a few years. At 70,000 miles, I needed new front brakes. HWCBN insisted that I get some after-market brakes that created less dust so that he would not have to work so hard to keep the rims clean. I stated that if that's what he wanted, he needed to go to the auto parts store to get them. He countered with a question on why I would not be independent on this and handle it myself. My answers: I don't care what kind of brakes I have as long as they stop the car, and I would not be able to get the correct brakes.

Yesterday, he called O'Reillys Auto Parts and talked to someone who said they had the brakes he thought I needed to have. This morning, I went to that store and they told me that they didn't have them but could get them in a few hours. I went back in a few hours to get them.

After work (Friday afternoon, in the rain), I drove 30 miles to where the only mechanic HWCBN trusts works and handed him the brakes. After I sat in the waiting room for 90 minutes, the mechanic said that he didn't know what the hell they sold me but it wasn't the brakes I needed. This is not what I wanted to hear. The mechanic put the old brakes back on the car and told me to come back after work on Monday. It is a 30 mile drive each way to see the mechanic - or 3 hours minimum with driving and waiting.

Now it was 7:30 and I was driving home in the rain - with the wrong brakes in a box and bad brakes on the car. I went to an O'Reillys near my house and tried to exchange the brakes. They did not have what I needed, but they said that the store on Hilcroft and Beechnut had them. I asked, "Hilcroft and Beechnut?" The first guy said, "Yes. Hilcroft and Beechnut." The second guy said, "Hilcroft and Beechnut. Do you know where that is?" I replied that I did.

I drove to Hilcroft and Beechnut. No O'Reillys. At this point, I said fuck O'Reillys.

Next stop: Pep Boys. A very helpful man there got some other brakes for me.

Did I mention how much I hate going into auto parts stores? Especially in the dark, in the rain, on Friday night?

I went back to the O'Reillys where they told me about the location at Hilcroft and Beechnut. I told them that there was no store at Hilcroft and Beechnut, and the first guy said, "Oh, it's at Hilcroft and Bissonet." When I informed them that I drove through that intersection and did not see a store, he said that I needed to turn left and then it was on the left.

Again - FUCK O'REILLYS.

I got my money back for the bad brakes.

Next stop: neighborhood store for a six pack, a bag of Tostitos, and some lottery tickets.

What did I accomplish? Absolutely nothing. I was able to spend some quality time in the car by myself. And after I got home, I made a good dent in the six pack.

And now I get to do this all over again in a few days.

Garden time

Who would have thought that I would ever write about digging holes to plant trees? Even more amazing, I actually dug the holes and planted the trees.

Last weekend, my landscaper removed the last of the loquat trees from the back yard. No worries - they will return because about a million loquats dropped into the soil over the years. The landscaper also cut both bunches banana trees to the ground. These too shall return. Banana trees are like cockroaches - you cannot make them go away. But that's OK because I like the banana trees. They just need to be cut down periodically so that they can grow some more.

Now that my tropical foliage is gone, I had to start new growth. Last night I planted two thornless blackberry bushes, a pear tree, a second grapefruit tree, five tomato plants (all different varieties), and a jalapeno plant. Now we just need lots of rain to make the garden grow.

I picked 190 satsumas from a single tree in late 2008. Hurricane Ike knocked the lemon tree over (see photo), but we propped it up and I'm having a lemon in a vodka/soda right now. The grapefruit tree produced about 10 fruit this year, and I'm eating them as they fall to the ground. A banana pepper is on last year's plant; I need to pick it soon.

While I'm a city girl through and through, I do love my home-grown fruits and veggies. And I enjoy being in the yard working on them now. When the temperatures top 90F and the bugs return, it will be a different story.

Seen on catalog

We Offer Goddess Sizes At No Extra Charge!

That's the first time I have been called a goddess. Pleasingly plump, yes, but goddess is a new one.

I saw him just in time

Robin Williams is undergoing heart surgery just a few weeks after visiting Houston. I'm glad I saw him already.

Adventures with Authors

In May 2008, one of my favorite authors visited Houston. Augusten Burroughs spoke about and signed A Wolf at the Table.
I had a chance to ask about his fiction, and he said that Showtime had picked up Sellevision. I am anxiously awaiting its debut.

Adventures with Authors

Charlaine Harris wrote the Sookie Stackhouse chronicles - a series of books upon which HBO's True Blood is based. She visited the Houston Public Library in January 2009. I bought some books for her to sign, but I was number 148 in the line. She signed my books later.

Adventures with Authors


Larry Wilmore, author of I'd Rather We Got Casinos, Senior Black Correspondent for The Daily Show, and creator of The Bernie Mac Show, visits Houston.

My whiteness throws off the entire composition of the photo.

Book list from J - my main source of material

Key
Bold the books you have already read
Italicize the books you intend to read
Notes in parentheses next to note-worthy titles.

1) Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
2) The Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien (saw the movies)
3) Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
4) Harry Potter series by J. K. Rowling
5) To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee (and saw the movie)
6) The Bible (excerpts only)
7) Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
8) Nineteen Eighty Four by George Orwell (no, but I did read Animal Farm)
9) His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman
10) Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
11) Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
12) Tess of the D’Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy
13) Catch 22 by Joseph Heller
14) Complete Works of Shakespeare
15) Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier
16) The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien (I tried – I really did – but I could not finish)
17) Birdsong by Sebastian Faulks
18) Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger
19) The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
20) Middlemarch by George Eliot
21) Gone With The Wind by Margaret Mitchell
22) The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
23) Bleak House by Charles Dickens
24) War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy
25) The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
26) Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh
27) Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28) Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck (perhaps the best book ever written)
29) Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll
30) The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame
31) Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
32) David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
33) Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis (only The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.)
34) Emma by Jane Austen
35) Persuasion by Jane Austen
36) The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe by CS Lewis (why is this listed separately from #33?)
37) The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
38) Captain Corelli’s Mandolin by Louis De Bernieres
39) Memories of a Geisha by Arthur Golden
40) Winnie the Pooh by AA Milne
41) Animal Farm by George Orwell
42) The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown
43) One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44) A Prayer for Owen Meaney by John Irving (I liked Garp better)
45) The Woman in White by Wilkie Collins
46) Anne of Green Gables by LM Montgomery
47) Far From The Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy
48) The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood
49) Lord of the Flies by William Golding (many, many years ago)
50) Atonement by Ian McEwan (saw the movie)
51) Life of Pi by Yann Martel
52) Dune by Frank Herbert (saw the movie)
53) Cold Comfort Farm by Stella Gibbons
54) Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen
55) A Suitable Boy by Vikram Seth
56) The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57) A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens (many, many years ago)
58) Brave New World by Aldous Huxley (where’s my Soma?)
59) The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon
60) Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61) Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
62) Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov (one instance where the movie may have been better than the book – the original movie with James Mason and Shelley Winters)
63) The Secret History by Donna Tartt
64) The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold
65) Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas
66) On the Road by Jack Kerouac
67) Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy
68) Bridget Jones’s Diary by Helen Fielding
69) Midnight’s Children by Salman Rushdie
70) Moby Dick by Herman Melville
71) Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens (saw the movie)
72) Dracula by Bram Stoker
73) The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett
74) Notes from a Small Island by Bill Bryson
75) Ulysses by James Joyce (not yet, but I plan to read it in 2009)
76) The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
77) Swallows and Amazons by Arthur Ransome
78) Germinal by Emile Zola
79) Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray
80) Possession by AS Byatt
81) A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens (saw the play many times)
82) Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell
83) The Color Purple by Alice Walker (saw the movie)
84) The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro
85) Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
86) A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry
87) Charlotte’s Web by EB White
88) The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom
89) Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90) The Faraway Tree Collection by Enid Blyton
91) Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad (saw the movie Apocalypse Now, which was based on this book – fell in love with Larry/Laurence Fishburne)
92) The Little Prince by Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93) The Wasp Factory by Iain Banks
94) Watership Down by Richard Adams
95) A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
96) A Town Like Alice by Nevil Shute
97) The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98) Hamlet by William Shakespeare
99) Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl (saw – and loved – both movies)
100) Les Miserables by Victor Hugo

I count 26 out of 100. The average American has read only six. So according to this, I’m 4.5 times more well read than the average American. But who created this list? Where is Kurt Vonnegut? Why is Bridget Jones’ diary on par with Shakespeare?

With thanks to my good friend J...

Have you ever been on TV? Only in the background or crowd scenes.

Have you ever sung in public? Does church count? As in before high school? After that, no one would tolerate it. But I do sing during the seventh inning stretch at baseball games – after many beers.

Have you ever dyed your hair blonde? I was blonde, but it wasn’t a direct result of dye. It was the aftermath of going to black then stripping to blonde. It lasted about 36 hours – until I could get professional help.

Have you ever eaten frogs’ legs? No way

Have you ever received a present that you really hated? Yes. But I am so polite that I keep them for years.

Have you ever walked into a lamp post? I’m clumsy and have limited depth perception. I have walked into a lot more than lamp posts. I have perpetual bruises on my legs from walking into sharp edges of tables.

Have you ever cooked a meal by yourself for more than 15 people? Yes. Most recently at Christmas, where we had Navidad – a Tex Mex Christmas dinner.

Have you ever fallen or stumbled in front of others? Too many times to count.

Have you ever done volunteer work? Yes…from working at the food pantry for AIDS patients to helping people build miniature art cars at a local festival.